oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
