I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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