the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
