Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
