You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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