i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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