remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
