There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
