why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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