That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
