I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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