i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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