id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
