my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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