Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
