What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
