you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
id be glad to
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found the puke drawer
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
