what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
