'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
