the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
