every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
