Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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