hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
