Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
