I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ketchup is God's man juice
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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