I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
