God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
