ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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