Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
