Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
