pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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