I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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