"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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