Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
