dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
