its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
