im drinking this country out of the recession.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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