pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
