i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
