I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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