so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just pee around me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
