I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
