I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
