Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
