i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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