Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
false alarm, still single
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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