I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
