Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
