Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
