no, he came in my armpit
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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