Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
