I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
