My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
