i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
